For years I blamed lack of motivation for the reason why I couldn’t figure out the next step in my life. And I wasted time, searching and searching and searching- but never knowing what I was truly expected to find. It was just this ‘something’ that I had somehow along the road of self-discovery lost. But sometimes, I’d find bits and pieces of it laying around. Like an aftermath of a bomb, the explosion of my old motivation splattered all around my life; leaving marks of destruction everywhere. Giving me enough emotion to strive on for the day, just not enough hope for the one after. And it became a cycle of needing to be constantly recharged, by something- someone- that I fell into this deep emotionless pit. I could laugh and cry, dance and sing; each with sincere emotion. But when it came to the core, I knew that I could no longer feel with depth anymore. Even in the realest moments; in the glimpses of love and happiness, they all seemed to be bitterly temporary. Moments to grasp, to hold onto and then what seemed to be seconds later, sent away into the chaos of memories.
-May 14, 2013